Thanks for sharing this. I couldn’t read it all due to similar experience but my dog also passed away from lymphoma and I have such guilt as I once told him off but what I didn’t realise at the time was that he was protecting my son who was a baby. It takes courage to share this. Sending peace and love.
I’m so sorry you have endured something similar. It is truly a heartbreaking experience for so many reasons and I thank you for having the courage to leave your comment. That means a lot to me, as I continue to work through the guilt and shame of it all.
Please take into your heart the knowledge that you did the best you could with what you had at the time. Your dog knew the real you, and the real abuser.
Many blessings to you on your healing journey as well. ❤️🩹
Such a kind thing to say. The shame and guilt is on another level and I wonder if it will ever disappear. Not sure if we are connected already because I’m new here and it’s all been a whirlwind but I am a support for you on your (and mine) healing journey x
I've been taking the approach to go at things head on, and although not always successful, my forward momentum is feeling good. No one can shame me if I'm transparent about my experiences, and no one can inflict me with more guilt if I stay laser focused on my new boundaries.
Welcome to the stacks.... Your voice is appreciated and important.
Yes this is what I hope for 2026 in fact I’ve been writing a piece about how I only realised last year that I’ve not processed it all yet and the impact of realising I’ve got lots of work to do in 2026. Aiming to post it tomorrow morning hoping that I’ll just post without worrying about how much of myself I will be exposing so that I can no longer be ruled by it all. I’m definitely feeling your strength and there is strength in numbers right?!
That feeling of exposure is also very real..... I'm still at the early stages of divorce, and all of what I write about is playing out on the screen in real time as it is happening in my life. If my ex were to get wind of this stuff, that could make my divorce more difficult.
But I HAVE to write. I spent the last 23 years with him stifling my own voice, bowing to his authority, and hiding away my true feelings in an effort to protect his emotions. So I write from the perspective of this all being my lived experience and try to stay away from debatable statements about his feelings, his mental state, his ability to change....
Don't let fear rule your decisions. Post your stories of healing, recovery, acknowledgement - and post as often as you feel compelled to do so. I bet you'll start to feel really good about your progress, which in turn, will bring you more goodness. If what you've been doing is not serving you well, NOW is always a good time to make a change (no matter if its at the start of a new year or otherwise.)
Yes and I totally understand how writing is your oxygen mask right now. I was too afraid to face it over the last 15 years and with continued abuse through family court I couldn’t let myself go there but better late than never right? Thanks so much for the encouragement it feels so supportive when I’m surrounded by self doubt. It sounds tough for you right now but you’ve got this. Here in solidarity with you!
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for speaking about something not spoken about enough. There are so many costs of domestic violence only those who have been through it can truly understand.
I appreciate the condolences.... The death of my furbabies over the past few years is certainly a layer of grief I had not anticipated working through as connected to my overall situation. As I tried to write about losing Butters, all the rest of this flooded my soul and it pressed against my mind to be released. Thank you for seeing me. I can only assume you have some experience of your own in order to do that, and I'm sorry you've carried this type of burden as well.
What you describe is exactly why I write and share my own stories. It’s cathartic and healing. I shared a deeply personal story on New Years and have felt so much freedom since then. Thanks for being courageous!
Such a necessary essay Jess. I think we can forget how loved we are by these innocent beings and how essential they are to our well-being. When we suffer, they suffer and when they suffer, we suffer. This is the first time I have read about what happens to the animals in our care when domestic abuse occurs and how that adds to the burden of responsibility for the abused, as well as witnessing the suffering endured by them on our behalf as Oscar showed; and you have described it in a very confronting and compassionate way. Thank you so much.
It reaches outside the household - to the victim’s family of origin and prior important relationships, which usually become warped , sabatoged , exploited and then estranged . Usually the community too. Everything suffers when someone abuses and when their victim hides (and thus accidentally perpetuates and enlarges) the abuse.
Thanks for sharing this. I couldn’t read it all due to similar experience but my dog also passed away from lymphoma and I have such guilt as I once told him off but what I didn’t realise at the time was that he was protecting my son who was a baby. It takes courage to share this. Sending peace and love.
I’m so sorry you have endured something similar. It is truly a heartbreaking experience for so many reasons and I thank you for having the courage to leave your comment. That means a lot to me, as I continue to work through the guilt and shame of it all.
Please take into your heart the knowledge that you did the best you could with what you had at the time. Your dog knew the real you, and the real abuser.
Many blessings to you on your healing journey as well. ❤️🩹
Such a kind thing to say. The shame and guilt is on another level and I wonder if it will ever disappear. Not sure if we are connected already because I’m new here and it’s all been a whirlwind but I am a support for you on your (and mine) healing journey x
I've been taking the approach to go at things head on, and although not always successful, my forward momentum is feeling good. No one can shame me if I'm transparent about my experiences, and no one can inflict me with more guilt if I stay laser focused on my new boundaries.
Welcome to the stacks.... Your voice is appreciated and important.
Yes this is what I hope for 2026 in fact I’ve been writing a piece about how I only realised last year that I’ve not processed it all yet and the impact of realising I’ve got lots of work to do in 2026. Aiming to post it tomorrow morning hoping that I’ll just post without worrying about how much of myself I will be exposing so that I can no longer be ruled by it all. I’m definitely feeling your strength and there is strength in numbers right?!
Strength in numbers, indeed.
That feeling of exposure is also very real..... I'm still at the early stages of divorce, and all of what I write about is playing out on the screen in real time as it is happening in my life. If my ex were to get wind of this stuff, that could make my divorce more difficult.
But I HAVE to write. I spent the last 23 years with him stifling my own voice, bowing to his authority, and hiding away my true feelings in an effort to protect his emotions. So I write from the perspective of this all being my lived experience and try to stay away from debatable statements about his feelings, his mental state, his ability to change....
Don't let fear rule your decisions. Post your stories of healing, recovery, acknowledgement - and post as often as you feel compelled to do so. I bet you'll start to feel really good about your progress, which in turn, will bring you more goodness. If what you've been doing is not serving you well, NOW is always a good time to make a change (no matter if its at the start of a new year or otherwise.)
Yes and I totally understand how writing is your oxygen mask right now. I was too afraid to face it over the last 15 years and with continued abuse through family court I couldn’t let myself go there but better late than never right? Thanks so much for the encouragement it feels so supportive when I’m surrounded by self doubt. It sounds tough for you right now but you’ve got this. Here in solidarity with you!
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for speaking about something not spoken about enough. There are so many costs of domestic violence only those who have been through it can truly understand.
I appreciate the condolences.... The death of my furbabies over the past few years is certainly a layer of grief I had not anticipated working through as connected to my overall situation. As I tried to write about losing Butters, all the rest of this flooded my soul and it pressed against my mind to be released. Thank you for seeing me. I can only assume you have some experience of your own in order to do that, and I'm sorry you've carried this type of burden as well.
What you describe is exactly why I write and share my own stories. It’s cathartic and healing. I shared a deeply personal story on New Years and have felt so much freedom since then. Thanks for being courageous!
And I thank you as well. Finding this community within stackerland has provided much comfort and clarity. I look forward to reading your work!
Such a necessary essay Jess. I think we can forget how loved we are by these innocent beings and how essential they are to our well-being. When we suffer, they suffer and when they suffer, we suffer. This is the first time I have read about what happens to the animals in our care when domestic abuse occurs and how that adds to the burden of responsibility for the abused, as well as witnessing the suffering endured by them on our behalf as Oscar showed; and you have described it in a very confronting and compassionate way. Thank you so much.
It reaches outside the household - to the victim’s family of origin and prior important relationships, which usually become warped , sabatoged , exploited and then estranged . Usually the community too. Everything suffers when someone abuses and when their victim hides (and thus accidentally perpetuates and enlarges) the abuse.